Friday, June 27, 2014

The Old Argument that Women Can't Have it all

As I write this it’s going on 2am. I know at 5:30am like clockwork my 6 month old will be up wanting to be nursed and cuddled back to sleep. My husband will be up at 7am getting ready for work and the rest of the house will slowly come to life and there will be 7 people needing/wanting my attention.

I’ll give it to them because they deserve it even thou I’ve got a lot of work I need to get done before the day is over. My work gets pushed to the side from time to time out of fear I’ll make a kid feel bad if I don’t make time for them when they ask for it.

This topic has been on my mind ever since I heard Shonda Rhimes commencement speech at Dartmouth. She made a statement about how she responds when people ask her how does she do it all. How she is a single mom and a successful writer of VERY popular shows. Her answer was honest… she doesn’t. If she is succeeding in one area of her life she is failing in another. I know this scenario all too well. I’ve been there… I’m there now.

I tried to push the thought out of my head and think… no I CAN have it all! I CAN do it all! And then some jackass had this to say about this picture of Kim Kardashian.



I have to say the article was pointless and seemed like they just needed to write something, anything that day. I’m apparently not the only one that thinks so.

Kim is a mom. Kim is a celebrity. From what I understand she was dressed like that for a photo-shoot and simply decided not to change her clothes or wash off her make up. Hell when you look that good why should you? She was simply being a celebrity and a mom at the same time by pushing her daughter’s stroller while in full glam mode. Looks to me like she’s having it all. Is that possible for the rest of us?

Fact about me: I used to model a while back. Obviously nothing big but it was enough for me at the time. I was a single mom with 5 kids and a friend willing to travel with me to help with the kids so I didn’t have to leave them behind while I went out of town.

Then I got married and my husband began helping with the kids on these trips.
Sure I could have taken a plane by myself but that would mean me loosing quality time with my family. So I packed them up in the car and made a vacation out of my work trips.

There were times I wasn’t able to make that happen and I felt bad. Those were the times I wasn’t having it all.

Fast forward to when I launched my clothing line at a fashion week in a city over 2 hours away. There were interviews, model calls, fittings and rehearsals that I HAD to be at sans kids. I wasn’t having it all.

Now as I struggle to relaunch my clothing line, raise 7 kids, and be a good wife while trying to get to know my surroundings in a new state where I don’t know anyone… I’m still trying to have it all but I have to be honest with myself… I’m going to slack in certain areas and that’s ok. Because to some having it all means succeeding in all areas, to me it’s not failing in any. 

My family knows why I do what I do. It’s to give them a better way of life while living mine to the fullest. I’m choosing to be happy doing what I love and I hope that this will be a lesson for my children when they become adults.


I don’t think life is really about having it all. It’s simply about living the life that you were put on this earth to live to the best of your ability.

8 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing, to be completely honest - I don't want it all! I realize that's a crazy philosophy, but as I get older I realize more and more that so much of the frantic running around that I did when I was younger wasn't as necessary as I thought. Everyone will have an opinion about your mothering skills, everyone will offer advice, but if you can wake up and feel good about yourself - you win. (just stopping by from #SITSsharefest)

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    1. I agree with you completely. When you're a mom its a given that people will have an opinion about your mothering skills. As if they think they can do it better. We just have to have more confidence in ourselves. Thanks for stopping by!

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  2. When I had kids, I learned quickly to put on blinders to the world's unsolicited opinions & advice about mothering and working :) I have learned that wanting it all just means wanting to be happy and fulfilled, and what "all" means looks different for each of us. Great post! Stopping by via SITS!

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    1. That really is what its all about. Being happy and fulfilled. Thanks for stopping by!

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  3. WOW. You ROCK. Seven kids and a husband?! I am a woman who has a career that has always come first and never (and I mean never) wanted kids. Then I married a man with three daughters - famous last words. And I sometimes feel like a complete and utter failure because I've got three bonus kids living in another state and a husband in the military while I'm off on planes jetting around the world for my career (in fact I am writing this from an airplane on a Saturday right now)- which I love. I really am in awe of all of you must do. Truth is sometimes having "enough" IS having it all. I just try to focus on that. Health, Love and Happiness - it's all I need and I have it in abundance. Good luck with the relaunch! - Heather, LIfe of a Traveling Navy Wife (Followed you from SITS Sharefest).

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    1. A lot of women choose their career over having kids and there is nothing wrong with that. In the beginning I missed out on so much time with my kids because i was always working and I was in school. Now i'm doing my best to create the type of life where i can work and be with my kids. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your story.

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  4. I totally agree that you can't have it all, but maybe just of a little bit of everything at different times in your life which is okay with me. I use to get very depressed about not being able to be a "perfect patty", I was such a people pleaser and it stressed me the hell out! Now I do what makes me happy and even though I am single with no kids, I work full time attend graduate school full time and I blog full time so I am always busy. At times I am unable to do everything and it's usually blogging that suffers because being a success professional is my number one priority. I use to feel bad about not being able to post or not responding to emails right away but it is what is. I can be everything to everyone all the time. (Found you via SITS sharefest).

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    1. Thank you for stopping by. I think its great that you are trying to better yourself. Education is SO important. You just have to not spread yourself so thin so you don't get burned out! It sounds like you're doing pretty damn good!

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