Friday, October 28, 2016

Going back to work after being a stay at home mom

   For years I've either been a stay at home mom or I've been fortunate enough to find jobs with pretty awesome companies that allowed me to work from home. I've been so blessed to be home with my younger 2 kids since birth and not leave their sides. Along with that came more time with my older school age kids. I've been able to volunteer at their schools, greet them when they come home and even begrudgingly drive them to school on those dreaded mornings when they've missed the bus. It's been a time full of ups and downs that come with the lack of financial freedom, Lonely days with no adult interaction and no time to myself. Honestly I began to feel like something was missing and I was losing myself. I was no longer Samantha I was just... Mom and Wife. 

   Anyway, I decided to go back to work outside of the home. Dee had graduated high school and works in the evening so I no longer had to fear leaving my precious blessings in the care of strangers. They are safe at home in their own familiar surroundings. There has been a bit of an adjustment period thou. Jr and the “baby” now fight over me. Who is going to sit on my lap? Who is going to lay in front of my if I’m in be watching tv on my side? Really interesting things that have never happened before. I know they will get used to it eventually. It was hard for me at first too. There are still days that are harder than others and I just want to stay home and cuddle with everyone and binge watch Curious George.

   But… on the flip side I like having a place to go. I like being Samantha again. Even more I like being the makeup artist that helps women look and feel beautiful. I get to be me again. 

   I don’t know how long the guilt of not being home with everyone will last. Ultimately I know it’s all in my head. Even thou it doesn’t help being questioned about if I can make it to a school event or something and I have to continue answering with “No, sorry I have to work.”

   Those are the days when I just want to say the hell with this job I'm out! 
The older kids understand. They don’t like it, but they understand. The younger 2 not so much. But that’s life with babies.

   As I write this I am literally hiding in the bathroom from a 2 and 5-year-old. Not just because I wanted to get this off my chest and the bathroom is the only semi-quiet place but because I really wanted to share this with other parents that may be going through this. That’s the whole point of me starting this blog… to share my experiences with other parents so we can feel a little less alone.

   It’s time for me to get ready for work now. Today is going to be one of those hard to leave the house days as I hear my little ones playing in the living room. Windows open, cool fall breeze sweeping through the house.

   It’s also Friday and I work at a makeup store. Which means I’ll be missing the weekend with my whole family. It’ll be ok thou. Right?  

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